The Apple TwatPhone has topped the list of items owned by twats, it has been confirmed. Twat organisation Twat Brand Analysis polled its database of twats to discover which twat accessory was this year's ultimate in twat.

It's a game called Plants Vs. Zombies.

(You can and must download the MP3 in both English and Japanese from there).

This is my Zombatar:

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Over.

'tis funny 'cause 'tis true!

(((relatedly, anyone far enough from the echo chamber to notice how ridiculously bullshitty their "performance charts" are? No matter that previous Macbooks were, for all intents and purposes, basically unable to run Call of Duty 4 - the "New Macbook" does so 6.2x faster! Last time I checked, 6.2 times zero is still zero. Forget that my two year old Dell still has a better video card than any Macbook Pro on the planet... form over function. Apple really has become the Chrysler of computing.)))

(via Mir)

As the last living person to not have played GTA IV yet (I'm holding out until I have, errr, time to play), I found this Apple Parody in GTA's "internet" hilarious:

THINK Simple.
THINK Minimalism.
THINK Overpriced.

THINK Fruit. THINK.

You are not thinking hard enough. Maybe you are a To$$er.

WITH FRUIT

You are finally living.
Design has evolved to make your life worth living.
You are in a cocoon.
A fruit cocoon.

THE NEW IFRUIT PHONE

No buttons
No reception
No storage capacity
All ego

...

I think it's time I start playing GTA IV. Apple fruits are fun to pick on.

via digg.

This is already a year old, but somehow it fell through the cracks and I missed it until now.

It's a brilliant little musical number that pokes fun at the whole "Support Our Troops" yellow sticker sickness, masterfully done by the Asylum Street Spankers - great fucking name.

In case my previous post about Medellín wasn't lengthy enough for you, here's an entire post dedicated to the art of pedestrianism in Medellín.

Forget the Venezuelan tanks massing on Colombia's border, or Rafael Correa's General Hospital-ish scowl at accusations of ties to the FARC. The true threat to all of Antioquia's fine citizens comes from within.

In my travels as a mainly bike-riding, trail-hiking, city-walking spectre, I've come across more than my share of close calls with close cars. During my bicycle tour of Cuba in 2005, an oncoming, swerving 50s Chevy narrowly missed sending me into a drainage ditch at the side of the carretera central at 6am. In Budapest, for the World Science Forum last year, the narrow streets and confusing signage had me hugging the sidewalks more than usual, and I'm sure I've annoyed more than one London cab driver by not looking at the right side of the road while crossing, but instead trying to read the faded paint signage on the asphalt instructing me to ``Look Right ->''.

Ahh, London cabs. The kind of car that only looks cool if someone is leaning out the back window firing off a Tommy Gun. Otherwise, they're just lame. The identical-looking drivers who all dress like not-so-distance relatives of Mr. Peanut don't help.

Perhaps I'm just spoiled because I live in Quebec... home - along with the United States - to some of the most courteous drivers you've ever met. Or maybe there's something about the Colombian driving psyche that gets lost in translation when you try to understand why they speed up instead of slow down when a pedestrian appears on the horizon. Whatever it is, the fact of the matter is that your average Colombian driver makes a monster truck demolition derby look like a canine fashion show.