apple

via Funny or Die:

Hilarious Mac vs. PC article by Marion Cox on Escapist Mag.

I suggested that she go buy a $15 wireless router rather than spending $100 on an expensive Apple gimmick. She told me that collage-boy refused to use anything but Mac products because of Feng Shui, apparently it went better with the cheap Ikea furniture.

...

She would ask me if $2500 was too much to spend on a computer; I died a little inside when I realized that Apple computer would cost more than my last car.

...

As my homebuilt PC came down, the Mac snapped; the extremely expensive machine cracked open, guts spilling from its disemboweled chassis. Clearly, PC was the winner in this particular fight. Screw you, Justin Long.

P.S. - I am writing this from a VIA Rail train, with free wifi in every car. Welcome to the future [sic].

I like kids. No, scratch that - I love kids. Hell, not many people know this, but I actually used to be a kid. Infinitely curious with an imagination that knows no bounds, children have a way of seeing the world which is uniquely their own. They are nothing less than little people, with their own sets of rules, societies and laws, and one of the main reasons so many people find it difficult or awkward to interact with kids is that these people try to force children to step into in our "real" (ahem), man-made world, instead of working our way towards being accepted into the grand societies that children have built.

I must have been around 6 or 7 years old when I got my first computer; the family's Coleco Adam. Unlike most kids who had the marvelous opportunity to be exposed to computing at such an early age, I did not go on to become a hardcore, Godlike programmer nerd. This may have been due, in no small part, to my computer's tendency to "generate a surge of electromagnetic energy on startup, which can erase the contents of any removable media left in or near the drive." However, it did serve as a critically important introduction to the logic of programming, user interfaces, gaming, and science fiction. Several hundred "goto line"s and "run 80"s later, the path to personal technocracy had been laid.

Naturally, upon realization that my exposure to these themes was critical in shaping me into the strapping fellow you see read before you, I became a strong evangelist for the sort of exploration encouraged by these early computers. In his post “Tinkerer's Sunset”, Mark Pilgrim details his version of this shared experience many young kids went through at that age:

"As it happens, this computer came with the BASIC programming language pre-installed. You didn’t even need to boot a disk operating system. You could turn on the computer and press Ctrl-Reset and you’d get a prompt. And at this prompt, you could type in an entire program, and then type RUN, and it would motherfucking run.

I was 10. That was 27 years ago, but I still remember what it felt like when I realized that you — that I — could get this computer to do anything by typing the right words in the right order and telling it to RUN and it would motherfucking run.

That computer was an Apple ][e."

There is no love lost between Apple and myself. The limitations imposed on the way Apple products work - especially their software - is one of the greatest blights on digital creativity today.

However, I can see how they are skilled at marketing and design intended to appeal to people who like neat, pretty, packaged things and are willing (and able) to plop down a 300% markup on a computer in order to get bouncing glossy icons and a glowing logo on their computers.

One thing, however, that Apple has somehow never, ever been able to create correctly, is a mouse. Even the most die-hard Apple fans I know draw the line at buying / using an Apple mouse, instead going for one of the more usable offerings from Microsoft or Logitech. For some reason, the fascist, rigid design principles that apply to their laptop, keyboard and software engineering divisions do not seem to carry over to their "Mouse Group" or whatever it's called. I am happy to report that their illustrious history of creating what are likely the most craptastic pointing devices ever to sport a USB plug (or Bluetooth chip) remains intact.

The Apple TwatPhone has topped the list of items owned by twats, it has been confirmed. Twat organisation Twat Brand Analysis polled its database of twats to discover which twat accessory was this year's ultimate in twat.

;)

'tis funny 'cause 'tis true! ;)

(((relatedly, anyone far enough from the echo chamber to notice how ridiculously bullshitty their "performance charts" are? No matter that previous Macbooks were, for all intents and purposes, basically unable to run Call of Duty 4 - the "New Macbook" does so 6.2x faster! Last time I checked, 6.2 times zero is still zero. Forget that my two year old Dell still has a better video card than any Macbook Pro on the planet... form over function. Apple really has become the Chrysler of computing.)))

Joe Nocera from the NYTimes:

“Apple simply can’t be trusted to tell the truth[...]. Under Mr. Jobs, Apple has created a culture of secrecy that has served it well in many ways — the speculation over which products Apple will unveil at the annual MacWorld conference has been one of the company’s best marketing tools. But that same culture poisons its corporate governance. Apple tells analysts far less about its operations than most companies do. It turns low-level decisions into state secrets. Directors are often left out of the loop. And it dissembles with impunity.”

Jobs' retort:

“This is Steve Jobs,” he began. “You think I’m an arrogant [expletive] who thinks he’s above the law, and I think you’re a slime bucket who gets most of his facts wrong.”

Charming.

Enjoy your iPhones! :D

As the last living person to not have played GTA IV yet (I'm holding out until I have, errr, time to play), I found this Apple Parody in GTA's "internet" hilarious:

THINK Simple.
THINK Minimalism.
THINK Overpriced.

THINK Fruit. THINK.

You are not thinking hard enough. Maybe you are a To$$er.

WITH FRUIT

You are finally living.
Design has evolved to make your life worth living.
You are in a cocoon.
A fruit cocoon.

THE NEW IFRUIT PHONE

No buttons
No reception
No storage capacity
All ego

...

I think it's time I start playing GTA IV. Apple fruits are fun to pick on. :p

via digg.